bored and beautiful

smoke break

I've been out every night this week so I've had no time for anything.  Yes, yes, I've been meaning to write something every day, but it never f***ing works.  You know how that is.  It's almost may. Exams, summer school, all that.  But it's lovely.  I love spring.  I love being young.  Yes, it's lovely.

I can't wait to go somewhere, be myself somewhere.  The world is waiting.  And I'm overdue...

pass this on

Give a girl a break.  Apparently this isn't one of my thinky-est days.  They just don't know my state of mind!  I mean, how can I write a paper right now?  I hate writing research papers, I'd rather make it all up in my head, not that I have anything against borrowing other people's intellectual property now and then. (kidding! sorry)  I thought university was all about fresh ideas and critical thinking, at least that's what my professors find it necessary to repeat as often as they possibly can.  So this week it's about nature v. civilization in novels, and my outline as of now is basically this:

1) Oh gosh I've no idea how to organize this.

2) I really HATE organizing things.

3) As a matter of fact, my room is really disorganized right now.  Maybe I should go organize that instead.  I mean, if you insist that I organize something...might as well...

4) HELP?

5) Um.

6) I mean, I'm so logical, I should know how to do this, right?

Procrastinating is so much FUN.  Playing dumb is even better.  I push myself hard enough as it is...

who wants to be ordinary, who wants to be sweet

Oh wow, I think I kind of suck at this whole blog thing.  But no one is really reading anyways, so I can be as shallow as I want.

First off, I got some Vitalic, which makes me happy.  Trahison = love, but there are some other great songs too : repair machines, poney 1/2.  

I study global politics at university and think about it a little too much, and lately it just makes me depressed.  Pretty much we are going to blow ourselves up or kill ourselves off with a virus.  So we're screwed either way.  It's sad, it really is.  But mostly it gets to me when people are stupid and don't care much about things and just listen to whatever whoever is telling them without thinking it through themselves.  The world is a terrible place but it's also so fascinating and amazing and worth it in so many ways.  It's all about escaping the system, people.  You have to be brave.

I have to go to class now. 

Someone take me dancing.

I was reading in the New Yorker about another lovely French film called 'My Little Loves', by Jean Eustache.  It's about 'a boy taken from the timeless charm of his grandmother's house in rural France to live with his mother and her boyfriend in grinding poverty in the small, stifling city of Narbonne.' Interesting perhaps?

Life is cruel.

My perfect weekend has evaporated into nothingness as usual with the arrival of another monday.  I hate this feeling.  It's one of those days when it seems like the world is going to have to explode really soon because I can't possibly keep this up.  MONDAY! AGAIN, ALREADY!  Who wants to think about that?

Really though, don't you think that weekends are some kind of intermediary existence in which one is fated to always dread the next week while feeling ridiculous for not taking advantage of freedom while it lasts?  I have so much to be happy about, but it's difficult.  Maybe this is what it means to be human.

Obsession

This shot is too perfect.

Naissance des Pieuvres

So, I finally saw this last night.  One word: LOVE.  

It was just as incredible as I thought it would be.  Absolutely breathtaking, really.  I've fallen in love with the dreamy angsty feeling of the film.  Celine Sciamma has created something endlessly fascinating--I think she's seen the philosophy and the poetry of the tangled issues of teenage existance and interpreted this through a story about real girls with real dreams, desires, and problems.

I think Pauline, Adele, and Louise are all rising stars and I cannot wait to see what they will do next.  Seriously, go see it, they are mesmerizing.  It's the sort of thing that stays in your head for a long time after you've seen it.  Plus the soundtrack is addicting.

Just when you think you've seen it all, along comes something new to make you think and wonder about the world again.

Trailer.

turned into a brighter mess

I think this is going to be a very good weekend.  (Is that all I ever write about?)  Honestly, I have got to get myself a life.  Ah well, if I just keep telling myself this then someday it might happen.  

WANT.

[I love MUSE.  How could anyone not love them?]

once upon a time in my mind

So I was thinking about some dreams I've had lately..

I met a vampire in the woods.  He had red eyes.

So many freja dreams, but I'm always too shy to talk to her.

And once kate moss was my mum and I talked to her boyfriend (johnny depp at the time) on the phone...hahaha.

how shall I spend my weekend? let me count the ways...

a) glued to the screen for some much needed photoshop therapy.

b) go for an equally much needed run, preferably in the woods.

c) find something to read.  maybe a book.

d) draw things, even if they're not so good.

e) write my english paper.

hmm, option e appears most likely.  because I have to.  but b and d sound so nice...

absinthe

Maybe I've been forgetting to take my creativity drugs...(serious lack of words at the moment). um.  fresh ideas please.  I'm just trying to figure things out, what I want and all that.  And how I want to write.  I've been thinking about realism and romanticism and how blurred the line is between them.  Maybe romanticism is all about the inner workings of the mind... but then there's the question of cynicism.  I haven't read anything for ages, maybe that's a good thing.  I don't know really.  What I really need is to sit in a hot bath for an hour with some lovely bluebell bath oil from Penhaligon's London, and hopefully emerge in a more satisfactory state of mind.  yes.  

On the plus side, it's friday.

I love you

april / avril

I want a magical house in the countryside with a floo fireplace and victorian ivy growing up the sides and owls in the sky at night and casement windows and a four poster bed and a clawfoot bathtub and and and..

SIGH.  

my life is maddening.   only nothing is really happening.  or is it?  i can't decide.

and i should be studying for exams.